This is the face of someone who has nothing else to give. I had no tears, I had no words. This was on April 29th when I discovered some particularly devastating news that I wouldn’t have believed would happen just 24 hours earlier. As they say, life comes at you fast. I won’t go into specifics about what occurred, know that people who lie or lie by omission have a specific place reserved for them in hell as far as I’m concerned. I could go on roasting this person but that’s for another post. What I wanted to address was (is) my mental state following this news. As a man, we aren’t taught how to process these emotions. Pain and loss turn into something outwardly destructive or self-destructive because that pain has to express itself in some way. At that moment I could have used someone to talk to but that person was not around at this time. I had other malevolent thoughts that I will not express here. All you need to know is that it got pretty dark for a few days. I think I started to understand I needed to talk to someone when I burst into tears at one of my favorite movies over what was a touching premise but it was nothing I would normally cry over. But, who would I talk to? Do I really want to go to a professional therapist and then be seen as “crazy”? Do I want to talk to my peers who may not look at me the same after admitting I got dogged out? Side note: when I finally told the story out loud I found it funny that women and men have the same reaction when they get caught up in bullshit, but again, that story is for another post. I decided to confide in a close friend of mine and was able to lay it all out. This person had some great feedback for me including the fact that I personally could have avoided what occurred if I had just listened to my instincts a few months earlier. Being able to get these feelings off my chest and talk to someone was really what I needed. Before that, I was on my way to do something stupid. I thank him for his listening ear. I said all that to say that men need to understand that our mental health needs to be of the utmost priority. From a young age, we are taught that strong men don’t shed tears. Strong men shrug off disappointments and heartbreaks. We move on to the next one as if what just occurred hasn’t had any effect on us emotionally. I’m not too ashamed to say that this knocked me over. No, I didn’t slobber all over social media about it but the internal struggle was real. While I’m not completely over it, it’s much easier to compartmentalize and deal with. My friend asked me about forgiveness when it comes to this person. Do I have the capacity for it? He tells me forgiveness is more for me than this person and I tell him I’m far too petty for that lol. Im working on it. Please men, if you’re struggling, drowning even call somebody. I know I know I heard all manner of get on your knees and pray from others but having another human being to relate to you about your very human experience is everything.
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